He was too tall to kiss, for one. More importantly, I didn’t really want to. I loved him, sure. But I could never take it further, always stopping short and giving him a hearty back slap or a bit of bust-chopping instead. I am girl but I’m not a girl. I’m your friend, forever.
This is the ugly part, the one I don’t care to admit. I was so grateful for his friendship, that I contemplated kissing him just for that. To show my gratitude, even if doing so was a choice, rather than necessity, which makes it an altogether sadder thing. I grew up around women, my father, long gone; I thought that this was how you showed you cared for a man who wasn’t your family.
I’m still grateful, he never pressed the issue and I never had to be wrong. When I hear this song, I see myself as I was. So young, younger than anyone I knew, not knowing which way to go, which way was right and making it all up as I went along.
(via isabelthespy)
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